Something to live by

Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive!

Where has the summer gone???

When I look back at what I did this summer, I think of Twilight, because I read all the books and me thinking Im going to die. lol. Thats about it. I cant believe its almost August and school is going to be starting soon. I told myself that this summer is going to be the time I start taking alot of pictures. BUT....I havent. I dont know whats wrong with me. I feel like Im in a rut or something.

I know this isnt the site to be whining or complaining on, but the desire for a baby is in my heart more than ever. Each month that passes, I wonder when its going to be my turn?! Everyone, and I mean everyone around me is, has, was, are....lol.....with a baby. I want that too. I rememeber my mom telling me when I was little, that she had me, when she was 26 and I rememeber thinking, wow...my mom was old, lol. Well Im going to be 24 here in a few months....and....it takes 9 months for a baby. I want more than one if God is willing, and I just always told myself, I dont want to have any kids past 30. But then again....what I always want, sometimes isnt what God wants. I trust in him....I really do...I just feel like IM READY!!! Im ready for all the sleepless night, dirty diapers, burpings, being broke, being tired, looking like a mess. Im ready for all of that....just to hold and kiss a baby that God has made for me and my husband....that is a part of my husband. I wonder what our child will look like.
When I miscarried Mark Jr. and I got to hold him....he looked just like Mark. They had the same nose, and same ankles. Yes.....ANKLES!!! lol. I have little boney ankles and Mark has big ankles....and so did Mark Jr. Thats why we named him that, because he was so much like his daddy already.
I feel like I whine all the time, but I am jealous of all the women with babies. I get angry when I see a kid having a baby and not wanting one, cause it ruined her life. If only, I could of been the one getting pregnant. That baby wouldnt of ruined my life. But I guess when I do have one finally, Im going to appreciate my baby more and love them that much more.
Marks insurance starts in September. I am really hoping and praying that this is what God has been us waiting on. It makes sense!!! We need insurance.....and I feel ready....and I have that desire, that I know comes from the Lord.
Please pray for me and Mark....that we will have a healthy baby, pregnancy, and mommy :)

Christmas Lights

Looking through my pictures again, and I found some from Christmas. I just love Christmas time. Its something, the music, the atmosphere, the cozyness, the cold, that just takes all the problems away and puts a smile on my face. So me and Mark went out and looked at Christmas lights and I had taken some pictures of the fancy Christmas lights around our area. Do you realize that Christmas is around the corner already??!!!! Enjoy!!!

So blessed

I got my test results back and everything is normal and fine.

I feel this tremendous weight lifted off of me to know that there is nothing wrong with me. I just want to thank everyone who has said a prayer or prayers for me. I felt each and every one. I am looking forward to the future and hopefully extending our family with a baby. The desire is really there more than ever now, and I feel ready!!! The love I have when I see a baby and the desire that tugs at my heart and the joy to know that God has given me and my husband is something that I really want to be able to feel. Hopefully soon we can feel that. Things are falling in place and looking good. I feel like God is setting us up so we wont struggle. God is just so amazing!!

Keep me in your prayers

I am having my yearly checkup with my kidney cancer on Tuesday. I am going to be going to the hospital to get my CAT scan, and Im a bit scared. I always get scared, because I always think of the "what-if's". I always think of the worse and that Im going to die young. I dont want that. I tell the Lord all the time, that I want babies and I want to watch them grow and I want to be here with my husband and my grandpa. Latley, I have been stressing myself sick, and I hate it. I hate the fact that its Tuesday, and I wont find out the result proabably till Wednesday or Thursday. I dont know what Im going to be doing in the mean time.
Please, Please, Please, say a pray for me each night or during the day. If you seem to think of me during the day, please say a pray for God to take my stress away and to ease my worry. I know we shouldnt worry and turn it all up to God and I do....but then the human part, it comes back, and im all over it all over again. Theres nothing I can do in the meantime, and I should let God take care of this. Please pray for me with that...that I can not think about it.
I probably sound like a baby, but this is scary. I know I was so blessed for the first time, for me not to take chemo or anything, and it changed my life. From that point on, I told God to lead me in the direction he wants me to go, and I will follow. I know everything happens for a reason, and Im sure I shouldnt be worrying, but please again.....just say some prayers for me.

Unedited pics

I took these......I thought they were so pretty, that I didnt want to edit them. God makes such pretty canvases in the sky for us....why ruin it!!!

My baby boy

I dont think I have posted a pic of my baby boy on here. Some people get defensive when they see pictures like this, or grossed out. I on the other hand, see a beautiful baby. I have actually looked at other pictures of stillbirths and miscarriages like my son, and I find them beautiful too. I made this for Mothers Day and I put these on my cafemom as a background. I miss him dearly and I think, wow....he would be 7 months already. But hes in heaven with our Father and brother and I guess God needed them more than we did. But hopefully God will give them some brothers and sisters soon that me and Mark can take care of here on earth.